Slow down, you move too fast

"You do not need to leave your room.

Remain sitting at your table and listen.

Do not even listen, simply wait.

Be quiet, still and solitary.

The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked,

it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet."

Franz Kafka

With all the changes as of late, I am now trying to savor all that life has to offer - and to relax in the process. For the past year, I have been juggling work and a preemie and it was one difficult road. A "marathon" as our pediatrician says. Unless you've been through it yourself, it is hard to comprehend and even empathize.

And slowing down offers multiple benefits: you start having real connections again - with people, with events, with time. Your focus can change from what you fear, to what you want in your life. From gossip to love. From tearing down to support.

I was mired in "just getting by", angry and exhausted. I felt as if I had no choice in the matter, I was making do as best as I could. I was amazed that people quote-unquote close to you would offer to help you and then when you'd say okay, tell you they were too busy. But then a stranger would snowplow my sidewalk or driveway, or ask how I was doing and really listen. I now realize that I can only see who the close friends are by their actions (not words) over time - who will really support you in tough situations and who won't.

The one thing I've learned over time is that who you truly are doesn't change. And life throws circumstances your way (why, I do not know) and sometimes we are destined to repeat them. But once we work to switch from regret and anger to acceptance then celebration, we are on our way to true freedom. The latter, I am still trying to incorporate.

In the upcoming weeks I will try to focus on what is true and real, be it spending more time with family, nurturing true friendships, acceptance of what is, contemplating what can be, or health and happiness. I'll be taking a lot of time. Not answering phone calls. Or the door. Maybe you won't hear from me. A big unplugging. The true definition of "quality" time. I blinked, and my life shifted from quality to quantity sometime in the last four years. I suppose now is an opportunity to set things straight. To fully dive in to what is going on here, and now. To be still, quiet. To let life unfold and let love meet me where it will.

More information:

- Downshifting and new priorities

- "Slow" parenting

- Slow Love by Dominique Browning. (her blog)

- Ten tips on how to slow down now (especially tip #10)

Up, up and away!

-LOVE the idea of this. The "Measure Me" stick. Although pricey, I'll try and make one on my own. And post the pix to prove it.

Here it is... Life List!

My mighty life list: Have a happy, healthy family | Scuba dive | Live in another country for two months or a year| See a live volcano eruption | See whale migration | Search genealogy in France | Have a Swiss Bank Account | Visit Pompeii, Capri and Venice | Stay at an ice hotel | Have my own garden | Learn all about nutrition | Start a blog | Write a book | Learn five languages: English, French, Italian (more), Spanish, Portuguese | Talk with Oprah | Meet an astronaut | Sip Champagne at the Eiffel Tower | Take hip hop dancing – and get rhythm | Make my own perfume (although I do love my Champs Elysees) | Have a horse again | Teach bambino about the world | Go somewhere that I don’t know the language, a person, or what I’m doing | Fabulous hat at the Kentucky Derby | Swim with dolphins | See sharks via a cage | Twinkle light the back yard for summer | Giggle with kids weekly | Make a difference in a child’s life | Make a quilt from Bambino’s preemie clothes | Knit a sweater that fits – for me or bambino | Eat at French Laundry | Take a cooking class in France or Italy | Eat raw for 21 days | Fit in that damn bikini | Write to Paolo Coehlo | Sing torch songs at a piano bar | Hike a long day hike with wildflowers | Take a flying lesson | Teach at college | Have a family camping weekend | Learn more astronomy | Make my own candles | Refurnish one good piece of furniture | Reduce & reuse | Hand pick my own apples for pie and applesauce | Learn how to use a sewing machine! | Learn to play guitar | And ukelele | Get ordained | Meet Tim Gunn (love him!) | Try Improv in Chicago | Learn chess | Ride the corniches in Southern France | Learn to surf – better | Catch fly ball at the Cubs | Try to be as creative photographically as A. | Learn to taste notes in wine | Have a family-created painting | Learn a new sport (snowboarding) (roller derby) | Play laser tag | That’s 60- more to come!

ChChChChanges

Went from being a PTWM to a SAHM - Yay! Finally can spend time with bambino. But despite my excitement and relief, I realized there will be some adjustment. For example, the need to slow down. My mind was used to multitasking, anxiety. This takes some time to quell. And after a week, I felt the urge for adult interaction. But I live in a small town and gossip, criticizing and complaining are the norm. I want to avoid that going forward, to focus on love not fear. So how to get pleasant conversation without all the drama? Simple, Auntie M says: just go shopping - talk to the clerk at the store, at the bookstore, at the library, at services. No muss, no fuss.

In other news:

- LOVE the new cruiser bike from Target. When can I get one!?

- Of course you know the new Liberty of London line is out at Target.

- Since I have curves, LOVE the Land's End Canvas line. Seems v. reasonable.

- Turning the back room into a potting shed. Will post pix when done. Inspired by:

image via KatyElliot.

Postscript: Finally cleaned out the backroom. Here's my "upcycled" potting shed! Not quite as pretty... but heavily utilitarian!

Mod Monkey!

- Baby's First Birthday was yesterday! Good, good friends and lots of playing in the pool/ball pit. Except I thought I had purchased enough, they only covered half the bottom. Didn't stop the kids (and adults) from jumping in and having a grand time!

Layout - we used wine corks to hold mini-signs showing what was what

Mmm... monkey smash cake and purple and yellow cupcakes with "1" on toothpicks!

Monkey smash cake - after

Thank You basket!

Banana muffins for adults, monkey crayons and toys for kiddos

The new office - complete with cell phone and coffee

Kiddo Music for Adults

- LOVE Ziggy Marley's Family Time Album. In case you missed it (as I did), the video below is of Ziggy and Elizabeth Mitchell on the Tonight Show (no comment). Enjoy!

J'Adore

- LOVE Coco Avant Chanel (Coco before Chanel) wathed over the weekend - what a gem! You know those films you kind of stumble across, and they are just fabulous? This is one of them. Audrey Tatou is brilliant. The storyline, amazing. Pause to ask yourself: to what degree am I willing to follow a dream, or be pushed in that direction? My mind returns constantly to the image of her refusing to leave Balsan's castle. And how simple, bold decisions such as that shape your life.

- What is your direction? Reminds me of Mighty Girl's Life List - 100 Things to accomplish. Perhaps I'll take some time this afternoon and create one of my own.

Green... Curious?

Happy St. Pat's! Do something green. Literally.

- Reconnect with Nature: We desperately need to move our basil somewhere new - the aerogarden is overgrown. What else can we make besides pesto?

- Make crafts. Especially easter eggs. Maybe some wheat grass.

- Watch the new discovery LIFE.

- Spring Clean (well, maybe. It's hard to think of this when there's a foot of fresh snow outside).

- Get the book How to Be an Explorer of the World for the baby.

- Make some homemade baby food from Honest Fare.

Or how about:

- Beautiful Cards on Etsy

- Some Leprechaun Gold from Make & Takes

- Lucky Crafts and Decorations

- Healthy Spring Vegetables - here , here and here!

Peeps and Chicks, who knew?

It's crafty!

- How I love these Marshmallow Peeps dioramas (see them all here). So creative & funny!

- Reminds me of these Chicks of Bitter with Baggage. Those crack me up!

The Art of Living: Focus and Resilience

"Be still, be present...

attend to what you're doing and feeling

as opposed to what they're doing or feeling.

Change your energy from fear and desperation

to quiet, hopeful confidence."

Paraphrased from the inimitable Kathy Freston

"If you're not in the moment,

wondering what may or may not happen,

you've lost your energy.

Focus on the here and now, that's all you can do.

What may or may not happen lies in the future"

Paraphrased from my friend Bernadette

"If you're hoping for things to be other than they are - constantly wondering how or why something happened, or how to fix it - you're lost...

[yet] the opportunity for transformation when we enter deeply into our experience is absolutely unbridled. It's just like nuclear power if you choose to use it properly.

Once you pass through that fire, you've been smelted.

You're going to come out gold on the other side."

A gem from John Dugdale in Mark Matousek's "When You're Falling, Dive" (Matousek).

Image John Dugdale's "Vespers" from KunstforAlle

- Little bambino is sick/coughy. I know about humidifier, sleeping up in a car seat, and the shower as a steam room if it gets worse - any other great home remedies? We're waiting it out, hoping it's not RSV. Seems to be the common cold. How I love symptom checker.

- Trying not to get sick myself. Was brought Zicam - tastes awful. Anyone tried it? Does it work? Otherwise I'm relying on my vitamins, EmergenC, and the most cleaning with bleach anyone has seen in the last decade.

Happy Daffodil Days!

An old (or should I say, long-time) friend came to visit this weekend and I realized how exhausted I am (common with preemie moms) and how much I complain. You know, sleep deprivation plus everyone talking about the troubled economy leads to much complaining, which ends up being an endless cycle.

So, I unearthed my copy of the Complaint Free World, in an effort to try and stay positive. It offers three mandates: (1) no complaints; (2) no criticizing; (3) no gossiping. Sounds good. Also sounds easier than it will likely be. We'll see!

For the past year I've been remembering how important it is to put your energy towards what you want to happen, not what you don't want to happen. In other words, to not talk about what is wrong, but talk about what you want to happen, how you want to be, and actually enact that in your life. It is a challenge, but I'll try!

the hour - the violet hour -

when all rushing stills

dappled light filters through settled glass

hours are now your own

time is quiet

life's heartbeat sighs

and the world offers itself to you

naked, unblemished, pure

The light streaming through the window

Little fluffs dancing around

The baby stretches to try and grab

but at what?

How to hold appearances in your hand

The simple joy of discovering something new

And old

With the upcoming birthday of the little guy, I am trying to figure out how to decorate the cake. Do you have any great frosting recipes? Perhaps I'll try this one at Wilton.

I'm also trying to figure out fondant. Seems the easiest way is to buy pre-made, but several reviewers are iffy on the taste. Here's a fondant recipe I might try, but perhaps on the bambino's next birthday.

So we refashion everything with the little guys. I am inspired by such projects as Refashioned Slim Slacks and the 90 Minute Shirt. Would that I could use a sewing machine! For some reason I am Singer-challenged.

I guess for now I'll enjoy the cute little mini dino tee from the Mini Boden line.

I've been obsessed with trying to find new, healthy ways to eat. After watching Food, Inc. and listening to Michael Pollen on Oprah, I've decided to try and make a better effort at finding locally grown items. Here in Telluride we're blessed to have a farmer's market in the summer, but year-round it proves quite difficult to eat in-season.

Soon I'll be contacting High Desert Foods to see what they can provide. Find your own Community Supported Agriculture ("CSA") at Green People.

And what to do with all that lovely produce? Try recipes at CSA Recipes or Recipes by Key Ingredient.

Last year we forgot to pre-order our Thanksgiving Turkey from Indian Ridge farms. I think I'll do that now so we'll be guaranteed a gobbler!

• I made an Itty Bitty Cork Stamp in the shape of a heart for Valentine's Day. See how at Lil Blue Boo.
• My valentine's were the baby's hand, a la this idea from Martha Stewart. I also tried the folded hearts - didn't work so well!
• Just got some Vincent Shoes for the baby via Cool Mom Picks.
• Love the ideas for the toddler bed over at DesignMom - will have to try it some day!
• Slow cookers - saving your sanity at A Year of Slow Cooking - she even has recipes forPlay-Doh!
• Tried the Eames Rocker this weekend in Denver. We loved it. Oh, to dream!